About Collaborative Divorce

One reason the Collaborative Divorce model works so well in solving disputes lies in its interdisciplinary team approach.  The Collaborative Team draws upon the expertise of legal, financial, and mental health professionals, working together on your behalf to provide a healthy, congenial, intelligent approach to divorce.

You and Your Collaborative Divorce Team

Your Collaborative Team may consist of a lawyer, a financial specialist, a communications coach, and, possibly, a child specialist, all trained in the Collaborative Process.  Learn more about their individual roles and how each professional works to provide you maximum support for all facets of the divorce process.

Your Role as Part of the Collaborative Divorce Team

A unique aspect of the Collaborative Divorce Process is that you are an involved participant.  You have an active role with specific expectations and responsibilities.  The advantages include the ability to remain in control of decision-making, put the priority on your children and your relationships, stay informed and protect the things that are important to you.  You remove anxiety from the process because you are informed and aware every step of the way, supported by the members of your Collaborative Divorce team.

Divorce Coaching

So, you’re ready to take the next step.  Depending on where you are in this journey, let’s talk about what that might look like.

If divorce is the choice, have a 3-way conversation together with a professional who can assess your situation and make a recommendation as to which divorce process to use.  I do this with couples regularly.  It helps to have an objective professional who is experienced in divorce involved from the start.

If you’re ready to move into the action stage of things, you will need help with:

• Choosing a process - mediation, litigation, or collaborative divorce.  Building on that, you will select an attorney to represent you.  We can talk about how to work with your spouse on this, so that you are both aligned in the process decision.
• Deciding when and how to talk with your children.  Do this before you talk to any of your friends or family.  Remember, people talk, and their children overhear things.  You want to be the ones who share this news with your children.
• Setting aside funds for the divorce.  You set aside funds for your wedding, didn’t you?  This is a part of being responsible, setting yourself and your family up for future success.  If you can avoid divorce debt, do it.
• Creating a safe environment at home, so that both you, your children, and your spouse feel as comfortable as possible if you have to remain in the same home.

If you are actively involved in your divorce, already hired an attorney, you may want to:

• Gain a better understanding of the divorce process, especially if it is traditional litigation.  Divorce has predictable stages, and I can help you anticipate what to expect.
• Cope with the stress of the divorce process, or the stress with your spouse.  If your spouse is not reasonable, or your attorney is not responsive, we can work on how to get your concerns addressed.  We’ll talk about keeping notes.
• Minimize expenses incurred in seeking guidance from a legal professional.  Lawyers know the law - they are not trained in effective communication, goal setting, or handling an unreasonable spouse.  When you have a divorce coach who knows how to do these things on your team, your legal bill will be much lower.
• Get a reality check on the decisions you are making as you divorce.  You’ll learn better negotiating skills, what’s worth fighting for, and how to assert yourself with professionals.  You will not make any rash decisions due to the discomfort of the process.
• Help you manage emotional reactivity to the divorce process.  You may hit a wall during this process, but you’ll learn how to deal with it and keep moving forward.  There is a future life out there, waiting for you.