How to advocate for yourself during a divorce
As a skilled mediator, divorce coach, and co-parenting counselor, I often witness the emotional turmoil that accompanies divorce. Advocating for yourself and children during this time is crucial, regardless of your background or circumstances.
I often share with my clients how important advocating is when you are going through the divorce process, and here are a few suggestions I like to share:
Your voice and thoughts matter. In a traditional divorce, we often see that one person is stronger than the other in advocating and getting their voice heard. Usually through their legal representation, no matter the cost. This show of power can be detrimental to the family unit and leave long-lasting emotional damage to a co-parenting relationship.
In a Collaborative divorce, each person has a voice, including the children.
You may ask yourself, how do I advocate for myself and my children? Here are a few thoughts as to how to begin.
- Effective communication is key in advocating for yourself during a divorce. Clearly express your needs, concerns, and expectations to your ex-spouse and the professionals involved. Use “I” statements, such as “I need some time to think this over.”
- Active listening and practicing empathy can facilitate constructive discussions and lead to more favorable outcomes. Do what you can to put yourself in your ex’s shoes, even momentarily. Sometimes even what seems to be outlandish is understandable, if we can imagine ourselves in that space.
- Raising your voice when frustrated, sending threatening texts, sharing harmful info about your ex, and other forms of negative expression are not self advocating. This is retaliatory behavior, designed to let off steam in the moment. Think long term, as your decisions are for the long term.
It will be helpful to have a divorce coach or therapist to talk to and help you sort out strong feelings so that you are able to be your own advocate in your divorce. You may see this as an opportunity for growth, which is exactly what it is.
Advocating for your needs in settling the finances and developing a co-parenting plan is going to make you more proactive and less passive in the divorce process. It gives you and your children a voice and helps put their needs at the forefront of your divorce discussions.
Ann Cerney of Cerney Coaching is a licensed therapist specializing in mediation, divorce coaching, couple therapy, co-parenting counseling and divorcing without involving the courts.
Focusing on child-centered solutions, Ann collaborates closely with families to create seamless parenting plans. As a divorce coach, she facilitates deep conversations with individuals seeking recovery and a better post-divorce life, encouraging them to envision a meaningful future. Contact Cerney Coaching today!
Note: This information is general in nature and should not be construed as legal/financial/tax/or mental health advice. You should work with your attorney, financial, mental health or tax professional to determine what will work best for your situation.