When Your Co-Parent Wants to Change the Parenting Schedule Frequently 

One common challenge that many divorced parents face is dealing with a co-parent who wants to change the parenting schedule frequently. It can be frustrating and unsettling for everyone involved and is often the first clue the co-parenting agreement may need to be updated.

When you are considering a co-parenting update that keeps you out of court, scheduling a calm and private conversation can help the conversation run smoothly.

First, it is essential to discuss the reasons behind the proposed changes and how they may impact both parents and the children. Be prepared to share your rationale for the changes you are suggesting. For example, if your co-parent frequently makes schedule requests due to work travel, be sure to bring this to the conversation – in a non-blaming manner.

Once this initial conversation has happened, depending on their ages, bring the children into the process, let them have a voice, and explain why you, as parents, want to update the co-parenting plan and schedule.

Please keep in mind that, as your children grow and change, an effective parenting timeshare should also be growing and evolving. Change can feel threatening to some people, especially when the co-parent relationship has been fraught with tension and mistrust.

Here are a few ideas for gently opening up the dialogue about making an update to your parenting schedule:

• Use non-defensive and non-blaming communication.
• Use language that is non-threatening, use “I statements” and avoid sentences that begin with “you”.
• Offer reassurance at the beginning of difficult conversations. Something like “I know this topic can be stressful, and I want to be mindful of that, and take it slowly”.
• Request to schedule the conversation rather than springing it on your co-parent.
• Manage your own emotional reactivity – remain calm, using deep breathing.
• Think flexibly. Problems often have more than one solution.

Co-parenting is an ongoing process that requires dedication to resolving issues so that your children can live in a predictable, calm, and reliable environment. Mastering changes or updates to the parenting schedule will lead to successful and effective communication in other areas of parenting decision-making.

Collaborating with a child-centered mediator, therapist or counselor can be very helpful if communication becomes challenging.

Ann Cerney, Cereny Coaching, is a licensed therapist, specializing in mediation, divorce coaching, couples therapy, co-parent counseling and divorce without court. She is on the board of Collaborative Practice California.

With a focus on child-centered solutions, Ann collaborates closely with families to create seamless parenting plans. As a divorce coach, she facilitates deep conversations with individuals seeking recovery and a better post-divorce life, encouraging them to envision a meaningful future. Contact Cerney Coaching today!

Note: This information is general in nature and should not be construed as legal/financial/tax/or mental health advice. You should work with your attorney, financial, mental health or tax professional to determine what will work best for your situation.